ADULT TALK (RATED 18) - 6 UNSPOKEN RULES OF CASUAL SEX

Every type of casual sex - uncommitted, unemotional, or purely carnal is governed by the same rules. Here's how to fornicate properly.

                                                  

Casual sex takes many forms. You know the obvious ones, which are the one-night stand, the booty call, and sex by appointment. Some additional recent variations include "rec" (recreational) sex, which exists because, some one once said, "every great athlete needs practice." And then there's "cereal" sex, which is a one-night stand amid a dry spell that, just like cereal, it’s satisfying in the moment but leaves you needing further sustenance shortly thereafter.

Still, every flavour of casual sex whether uncommitted, unemotional or purely carnal is governed by the same rules. We list them below to help you fornicate better.

1) Check your emotions at the door.
In casual sex, you should similarly check your emotions at the door. Whatever happens next is all up to you both. If all goes well, it’ll prove equally entertaining, satisfying, and well, hot, butif this doesn’t could leave a very sour experience.

However,if you or your partner can't ignore your feelings, reconsider the arrangement. Casual sex should be unemotional, not sociopathic. Don't hurt anyone or set yourself up to be hurt—unless, you know, masochism is your thing.

2) Be you, only different.
Remember how the Wedding Crashers guys made up all those bogus back-stories? They were foreign legionnaires. Then New York Yankees. Then WASPs. Take a lesson from those masters of casual sex: be yourself but different.

Don't lie to your partner; you can go for the more uninhibited, mysterious, and spontaneous than usual appearance. You have permission to adopt some sort of a character, a romanticized or heightened or self-actualized version of yourself. It's like role-playing, which apparently turns out, a lot of people really like.

3) Be a gentleman - and an animal.
Casual sex requires a delicate balance: respect and generosity and safety, coupled with unadulterated, unabashed corporeality. You're a gentleman and an animal, like a werewolf in a top hat.

Find your perfect combination: You're a (more upbeat version of) Edward Norton's polite narrator and, at the same time, Brad Pitxt's six-pack-jacked Tyler Durden. You're Steve Urkel and Stefan Urquelle. You're Clark Kent in the streets and Superman in the sheets.

4) Control your portions.
Imagine a food pyramid, only for casual relationships. The base (reserved for grains) should be occupied by sex. When you're having casual sex, have lots and lots of sex. Have the most sex.

At the tippy top of the pyramid (where sugars and sweets live) are what's to be done sparingly: Host a full-on sleepover followed by brunch the next day, a day in the park and then - why not? - a romantic dinner. That's the opposite of casual.

In between those extremes, you'll find activities like foreplay, showering, watching TV, talking, and preparing post-sex pastrami sandwiches. Handle non-sex, especially arrivals and departures, with self-awareness and courtesy. If you're hosting, don't kick someone out with the brazenness of a World Cup red card; also don't force or expect someone to stay over. If you're a guest, don't sneak out (wake me up before you go-go!), but don't overstay your welcome unless they're offering—and you're up for deli meat and spooning.

5) Pop the questions.
One-night stands, vacation sex, and whatever happened with your masseuse that one time can be anonymous, disorganized, and fleeting.

But if your arrangement appears on-going, it's best to establish some ground rules. Ask some or all of these questions of yourself and your partner: Is this actually casual for both of us? What happens if our feelings change? How often and when do you want this to happen? Do you expect a date beforehand? Are you cool that I'm also seeing other people? Is this a secret from friends and co-workers? Have you been tested? Do you like it when I put it there? How does that feel? Do you mind getting on top this time? Really? Right now? In the kitchen?

6) Stare death in the face.
The moment you start having casual sex is the beginning of the end. The arrangement, while enjoyable and healthy, is transient and unsustainable. It may last for a while, but ultimately, your little microcosm is destroying itself, which, in the words of famed sex columnist Al Gore, is an inconvenient truth.

Maybe the sex will get old. Maybe you'll find someone else. Maybe you'll start to like each other. Those definite maybes mean things will change. And when they do, be honest. Say something. Don't pull a Michael Jordan and just fade away. Leave the situation gracefully and respectfully, or get left humbly and patiently. No one likes a bad breakup, especially if there was no relationship to start.

Do have a lovely week ahead and whatever you decided to do, don’t forget to apply the above rules.

Culled from GQ, Credit - —Ben Kassoy